This article was written by Allison Gray, a former pet adoption counselor and staff member of an animal shelter. This article was originally published in 2016. It was last reviewed for accuracy and updated on September 27, 2024
Understanding a Failed Pet Adoption
We’d all like to believe that every adoption story has a happy ending. But the truth is, not every pet adoption is a perfect match — and sometimes returning a pet to the shelter is the only option an adopter has.
- After the excitement of adoption, bringing your pet back can feel humiliating.
- Even if it’s not your fault, feelings of misery and shame can arise.
- Remember, your decision is for the welfare of the pet.
A good shelter’s staff will understand and won’t try to shame you. For more tips on adoption, see adoption story.
Behavioral Changes After a Failed Pet Adoption
Usually, you can spend time with your potential pet at the shelter and get an idea of their personality — energy level, attentiveness, manners, etc.. However, pets don’t always behave the same way in a home as they do in a shelter.
- A shy dog at the shelter may become more rambunctious and loud in your home.
- Cats, too, may show different behaviors once they leave the shelter.
For instance, a cat that seemed affectionate at the shelter might hide for hours on end after arriving in your home.
Since you can’t anticipate these changes without a trial run, it may lead to a situation where you consider returning the pet after a failed adoption.
Don’t Blame Yourself After a Failed Pet Adoption
It’s easy to feel responsible for returning a pet, no matter the circumstances. If adopting your puppy felt like saving them, is returning them dooming them?
In most cases, no. Unless the return is due to unprovoked aggression or an untreatable illness, they are likely to find a new home where they fit right in.
- Feeling crummy after a failed adoption is normal.
- Rest assured that pets often find better-suited homes after being returned.
Coping with Guilt and Heartbreak After Returning a Pet
It’s natural to feel guilty or heartbroken after a failed adoption. However, it’s important to focus on the positive outcome for the pet.
- Remind yourself of the pet’s well-being: Your decision likely helped the pet find a more suitable home.
- Seek support: Consider speaking to a counselor or other pet adopters who have experienced similar situations.
- Move forward: Allow yourself to grieve, but also look forward to future possibilities of adoption when you’re ready.
Understanding Contractual Obligations After a Failed Pet Adoption
Many people prefer to rehome their pets themselves, as it allows them to relieve the responsibility from the shelter and personally meet the pet’s new family.
However, rehoming may violate your adoption contract. Many agreements require you to return the pet to the shelter if the adoption doesn’t work out. Shelters take these steps to ensure their animals are placed in qualified homes.
- Do not sell your dog online or give them away on Craigslist, as advised by Mike Clark.
- If your reason for returning the pet is reasonable, you’ll be welcome to adopt again.
As Inga Fricke of The Humane Society of the United States says, failed adoptions are not “inherently bad.” Life happens, and sometimes things don’t work out, even with the best intentions.
If you’re curious about the adoption process, these pet rescue rules can provide clarity
Steps to Take When Pet Adoption Isn’t Working
If the adoption isn’t going as expected, it’s important to act quickly. The earlier you address the issue, the better the outcome will be for both you and the pet.
- Evaluate the issue: Is the issue temporary, like teething or house training, or something more permanent?
- Seek help: Consult a veterinarian, trainer, or behaviorist if the issue can be addressed with professional assistance.
- Contact the shelter: If you decide that the situation can’t be resolved, reach out to the shelter to discuss the next steps.
How to Avoid a Failed Pet Adoption
While you shouldn’t feel embarrassed about returning an adopted pet, it’s always best to take steps to avoid a failed adoption in the first place. According to Dr. Jennifer Federico, Wake County Animal Services Director,
“People really need to do their research before coming in … be honest about the time you have to spend with a pet.”
Here are some precautions to consider:
- Fostering: If the shelter allows it, consider fostering. It gives you a temporary home for pets and allows you to bond before committing.
- Multiple visits: Spend ample time with the pet before adopting. Don’t rush it. Go for a walk and visit multiple times.
- Professional training: If problems arise post-adoption, consider hiring a professional trainer before deciding to return the pet.
Despite these precautions, sometimes the pet just isn’t the right fit. In that case, reach out to your shelter to schedule an appointment for the return.
This video offers some myths and facts about adopting a dog:
Emotional Impact of a Failed Pet Adoption
A failed adoption can stir up a range of emotions, from disappointment to guilt. It’s natural to feel heartbroken, but you must remember that failed adoptions happen and don’t define you as a pet parent. Embracing these emotions is the first step toward healing.
- Acknowledge your feelings: Understand that it’s okay to feel sad or frustrated after returning a pet.
- Talk to others: Share your feelings with friends, family, or fellow pet owners who can offer support.
- Give yourself time: Healing after a failed adoption takes time, and it’s important not to rush into a new commitment.
How to Ensure a Successful Adoption Next Time
Even after a failed adoption, it’s possible to find the perfect pet in the future. To increase your chances of success next time, consider the following steps:
- Research breeds: Make sure the breed’s temperament and energy level align with your lifestyle.
- Spend time with the pet: Visit multiple times at the shelter to understand their behavior better.
- Consider fostering: Fostering gives you a trial run to see how the pet fits in your home.
- Be honest about your limitations: Consider your time, space, and budget before making a decision.
- Seek professional help: If concerns arise after adoption, don’t hesitate to contact a trainer or behaviorist for support.
Taking these precautions can help ensure that your next adoption will be a lasting and happy one for both you and the pet.
For helpful advice before adopting your next pet, check out these pet adoption tips.
Final Thoughts on a Failed Pet Adoption
A failed adoption can be a disappointing and difficult experience. After returning your pet to the shelter or rescue, you may not feel ready to adopt again right away — and that’s okay.
However, after some time, you might consider trying again. The perfect pet could still be waiting for you at your local shelter.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How do you grieve a failed adoption?
Allow yourself time to process the emotions and seek support from friends, family, or professionals.
How to get over the guilt of surrendering a pet?
Remember that your decision was made in the best interest of the pet, and they will likely find a better-suited home.
What is the least adopted pet?
Historically, older pets and black cats are often the least adopted animals in shelters.
What if I adopt a dog and it’s not working out?
If the adoption isn’t working out, contact the shelter to discuss returning the dog and exploring other options like training or fostering.
