Mary Bonnet Opens Up About Being Sexually Assaulted by an Acquaintance (Exclusive)

Content warning: This story contains disturbing descriptions of alleged sexual assault.

Mary Bonnet opens up about a traumatic experience in which she was sexually assaulted by an acquaintance in her new memoir, Selling Sunshine.

The Selling Sunset star, real estate agent and vice president of Oppenheim Group, 44, tells PEOPLE the process of writing her first book — in which she also delves into her experience with teen motherhood, two divorces, toxic relationships and other deeply personal moments — was “very difficult.”

“I had to really put myself back in situations that I never want to be back in again and really think about it to describe the situations properly,” she says. “I had to talk to my therapist quite a bit to make sure I was handling it okay.”

In the book’s sixth chapter, titled “Rock Bottom,” Bonnet recalls a Memorial Day weekend about ten years ago in which she accepted an invitation from an acquaintance of her friend (and now Selling Sunset costar) Amanza Smith.

She refers to the man only as “Joe.”

Bonnet writes that Joe asked her to meet at his Los Angeles apartment, where a friend of his she’d previously hung out with was going to join. They were then supposed to “go out with a fun group.”

However, when she arrived at Joe’s home, she says it was just the two of them, and Joe offered her a wine glass filled with a “bright blue liquid” that he told her was a vodka cocktail.

After some time, Bonnet realized that her mind was “getting fuzzy” and her eyelids were “growing heavy,” and she eventually passed out.

“When I woke up, I was on Joe’s bed, with my arms pinned against his mattress, and my pants around my ankles,” she writes. “He was on top of me and inside of me.”

Bonnet remembers running out of the apartment, “bawling and shaking” in her car, and then going into “total survival mode.”

She concludes the chapter by reflecting on how the experience continues to affect her.

“The repercussions of that night still haunt me,” she writes. “I never go to people’s houses that I don’t know. I won’t be alone with any man that I haven’t been friends with for at least five years or who’s 100 percent gay, so I know I’m safe.”

In the period that followed the incident, Bonnet leaned on friends such as Smith, who was dating actor Taye Diggs at the time. 

“I ended up leaving and going to New York with both of them right afterwards,” Bonnet recalls to PEOPLE. “They just knew I needed to get out of there and just have new surroundings and just kind of feel like I was safe.”

Jason Oppenheim, whom she’d previously dated and had begun working for part-time at the Oppenheim Group, also provided support.

“When I told him, he was just such a good friend and so comforting and protective,” she says.

In 2018, Mary entered a civil union with her husband Romain Bonnet, celebrating their nuptials with a wedding ceremony the following year.

When she told Romain about the assault, she says he was “shocked.”

“He’s like, ‘Oh baby, I’m sorry you went through that,’” she recalls. “I mean, well, any good husband would. He’s just been very supportive.” 

She continues, “Then when I’ve had issues, because with sex, I just subconsciously and involuntarily kind of jump and stuff if I’m touched and I am not expecting it, he’s been very supportive and in that way where he tries not to take it personally and understands it’s just a trigger.” 

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As part of her healing process, Mary has utilized Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a form of therapy that helps people process traumatic memories.

“It does help and it takes time,” she says. “Talking about it does help in many situations. I mean, maybe not going into detail and reliving it, but talking about it and understanding other people are there and have been there, it’s comforting.”

She also says she wants to encourage more discussion about a subject that “no one wants to talk about.”

“We can start all being more aware of our surroundings and more aware of situations we put ourselves in because no one’s going to protect us but ourselves,” she says.

Mary’s hope that sharing her own experience will help others gave her the courage to write the heartbreaking chapter.

“It’s a terrifying thing to go through,” she says. “Me talking about it was not going to be any worse than living it. If I can make it through that, I can make it through talking about it.”

Selling Sunshine is on sale Sept. 24 and is now available for preorder, wherever books are sold.

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, please contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or go to rainn.org.